You Didn't Choose Me

As close as we are as a family and as much as we love our children, there were many of you who vocally questioned how Eric and I, especially me, would cope with the “empty nest syndrome.” We were active, involved parents, and reaped such joy in the love and accomplishments of our beautiful children. Some of you may remember this story that follows.

With Zatha off at the Naval Academy for two years before her brother arrived, Hans got a lot of one-on-one time with Eric and I during his last two years of high school. He was never subjugated to Zatha, but there was that quiet peacefulness that comes with smaller groups. We had lots of great times and discussions together.

Hans heard the question asked of us many times as he neared graduation, “Jennifer, how are you going to handle that empty nest?” One day Hans said, “Mom, I know you and dad will be just fine when I head off to the Academy. Though you chose to have me and Zatha, you didn’t choose US. You got what you got. But I know you’ll be OK because you and dad have each other. You chose each other.”

So now that we are all here without Hans, we need to remember that in order to go forward we must CHOOSE to do so. And you CAN choose to do so. We cannot kill ourselves with what-ifs, coulda-woulda-shouldas, wishes, and conjecture of lost possible futures, though we will certainly continue to at times. We must choose to revel in our memories of Hans, and revel in the memories we are making and going to make with those still remaining.

Obviously many of you reading this didn’t know or love Hans, or know and love him as much as others, and your lives are already moving on, and never stopped like it did for us. We don’t begrudge your happiness, your trivialities (and I say that in the true sense of the word, not the negative). I am just hopeful and hoping that each of us don’t lose the lesson when we lose. The lesson is to choose going forward, choose to enjoy the untold miracles of life on this planet, choose to enjoy your life, choose to be kind, choose to love, and love again.

Today, I specifically told Hans’s dear friends who were with him the day of his accident:

Do not fear the next two days. The worst has already come - Hans's accident and death. No one purposely ran over Hans. His last day with his best friends was awesome, up to the point of his accident. He is at rest. And we will survive with time. It will be a nice celebration of his beastly life tomorrow and on Wednesday. Do not harbor much guilt, or fear of the future.We love you guys and look forward to seeing you all continue to embrace and enjoy life.

I am trying my best to continue forward, and I know I haven't even really started the first step of my grieving journey. I know that we have sorrowful times ahead of us -- I miss Hans so badly I physically hurt in my chest -- but I will do my best to choose not to let the sorrow consume me, and instead choose joy.

Hans’s life will be honored with military services next week in Annapolis, Maryland, on the grounds of the United States Naval Academy, with a memorial service to be held at a later date in Hampstead, North Carolina, his home.

Friends, classmates, colleagues, and extended family are invited to a viewing and visitation on Tuesday, 8 April, between 15:30 - 19:00 (3:30 p.m. - 7:00 p.m.) at the Naval Academy Chapel. Hans’s family will be there along with his first and favorite surfboard to sign (a fitting guest book).

Hans's funeral will follow on Wednesday, 9 April, at 12:00 noon, again at the Naval Academy Chapel. A walking processional from the Chapel to ‘Hospital Point’ for his interment in the Naval Academy cemetery will begin immediately after the funeral.

Please come to the USNA via the Main Gate 1 at the intersection of King George and Randall Streets. Upon arrival to the guard gate, present your driver’s license and tell them you are attending Midshipman Loewen’s viewing/funeral. You will be directed to the Chapel (first left onto Cooper Road, first left again onto Porter Road, next right onto Buchanan Road, at which point you should see the large Chapel dome to your left; take a left when the road ends onto Blake Road, and follow this to the front of the Chapel). Park as directed. Or parking can be found in the public parking deck just off Main Street, from whence you would have to walk onto the Yard.

Hans’s grandmommy, HelenMarr Wakeman Johannesen, lived and worked in Annapolis as her father (Hans’s great grandfather CAPT [deceased] Philip F. Wakeman, USNA Class of 1928) was stationed nearby. HelenMarr met Hans’s grandpa, CDR (Ret.) Robert 'Bob' E. Johannesen, Class of 1960, there in January of 1960, they were engaged in February, and married in June at the Naval Academy Chapel. Hans’s mom, Jennifer, was born at the Naval Academy hospital in the early 1960s in a room overlooking the cemetery grounds on Hospital Point. Grandpa returned to the Naval Academy as a Company Officer, 1966-1969, where Jennifer started her education at the U.S. Naval Academy Primary School, with her sister Janet and brother Jonner. Hans’s uncle, CDR (Ret.) John 'Jonner' R. Johannesen was Class of 1983. Additional family alumni include Hans’s great-great uncle Eppy Wakeman (’22) and great uncle John Ruhsenberger (’60). Jennifer is a 1985 graduate of St. Mary’s College of Maryland in St. Mary’s City, Maryland, and an alumni of Calvert High School in Prince Frederick. His dad, Eric, was a Navy nuke for six years, serving as a Division Officer on the USS Long Beach and four years active reserve. We have many friends and family living in Annapolis and surrounding areas. Hans’s sister and best friend, Zatha, will graduate in May with the Class of 2014 and receive her commission as a 2nd LT in the United States Marine Corps. Our ties to the Naval Academy are anchored deeply. It will be a peaceful and meaningful place to visit Hans’s resting place, at the Academy he’d wanted to attend since his Grandpa gave him his first Navy Seal poster when he was five years old.